When he told me once, early on in our relationship, that he hated himself and had sometimes wished he was a girl, I assumed it was psychological – a rejection of self. I can still see his look of stark sexual appreciation when he spotted me walking towards him on a date. His signals were heterosexual and male. He initiated our intimate relationship and responded to me in the ways I expected. The Tom I knew was sharp, funny and irreverent. We got married, had a child, then a second and a third. ![]() ![]() Tom and I met and fell in love at college. Our marriage, our family and everything that up until that moment had constituted our story was over. "I'm not going to do anything." By which he meant, it went without saying, anything to his appearance. ![]() I heard the urgency in his voice and tried to be supportive, as I would often fail to be in the many conversations that would follow. I know that I stayed surprisingly calm, for me.
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